you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
