What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
