do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
