apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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