you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
