The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
