Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
