Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You were trust falling into bushes
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
