Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
