:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
