I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
