I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
