I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
