woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
