and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
