Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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