I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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