Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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