I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
