it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
