belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
