You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
