You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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