I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
