So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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