I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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