in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
