i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
