considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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