I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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