I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
