I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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