I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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