My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
