thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
