We're like a lot better than the average bears
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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