Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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