NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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