omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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