Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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