I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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