go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
