I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
