Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
