69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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