she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
