Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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