Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
