It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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