I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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